Don't Overlook the Obvious

Most women long for their prince charming at some point in their life. He may be right in front of you, not perfect but you love them anyway. But some men are far from perfect and you turn the other cheek at their bad habits, just to be in a relationship. Don't overlook the obvious to avoid being single.

If it doesn't feel right it isn't. Cold feet is one thing but a gut feeling is as real as it gets. For example: If you bump heads on everything that isn't a coincidence. You can't agree on anything, face it. You two see life thru different lens. Kim Kardashian is a clear example. In a letter to her fans, she admitted things weren't right but continued with the marriage. Opposites do attract but some personalities do not go well together.

If he's not relationship material here are a few signs. Every time you meet, it's at night or at his place. Unless he's a vampire this shouldn't be acceptable. He should want the world to see you, if you're important to him. And I hope you have meet at least two friends/family members or else you have a problem. Your relationship is a secret, which means he has something to hide. Another one is avoiding labels. Here's a scenario: you've went on multiple dates and have spent countless hours together.

But when "Where is this going?" comes up, he says "I want to take things slow. I'm not in any hurry to settle down. We should get to know each other more before we discuss the future." If you're patient and he has potential, wait awhile longer. But don't limit yourself to only him. Some women think they can change his mind and choose to ignore those statements. And they also end up hurt because they gave their all to man who gave a little.

If he's not as manly as you want him to be. I hope you heard the story about Terry McMillian and her ex- husband. "How Stella Got Her Groove Back," was the sweet fantasy of how she saw things. But the sour reality was a deal- breaker.

Yes, her man was on the DL. And she had to see a few signs, before he came out. It's not too hard to miss these days. The flamboyant body language, awkward speech, wandering eyes and feminine ways can not be overlooked. I can spot the smallest difference with my eyes closed. Don't get your heartbroken when you saw it coming.

If you always hear about another chick, there is one. Maybe at the beginning of the relationship you heard about a few women. They could be recent ex girlfriends or bm's. The rumor should phase out eventually. But if you keep hearing new rumors that match up to days and times you're not together, this needs further investigation. Play your cards right and get the facts, because they can't all be rumors. Haters do put in overtime but don't ignore everything, especially if you don't know his everyday whereabouts.

Wise up and don't set yourself up for failure, if you see something fishy. Time will always tell but you can save time by paying more attention to the obvious.

Work It Man

I understand some women don't choose to be a single mother. But to be a single mother, meaning doing EVERYTHING when your baby daddy lives with you, is some B.S. If he's handicap, I completely understand, disregard this entire blog. But if he is more than capable, somebody needs to be slapped. Bring out the baby powder!

Some men aren't ready to be parents but they have 9-10 months to get prepared. Many men didn't grow up with a father so they use the excuse of not knowing how to be a father. That excuse is old. Read a book or watch Cosby re-runs. You can learn through experience, copping out is not acceptable. The men above make themselves scarce and show up occasionally. The men I'm referring to lay in your bed every night, watch TV on your couch, eat your food and have a selfish daily schedule which doesn't include parenting duties.

This man works everyday ( he's not jobless) but that's all he does. You take the kids to daycare/school, cook every meal, clean-up, pay the bills, go to all the children's doctor appointments, wake- up at night when the kids can't sleep..must I go on?

My rant is because females accept this. They will say, "At least he's here." I say, " Not really." Yes, you can see him, his body is visible. But not pitching in, is like him being one of the kids. Why do some women compromise too much? We tend to let important things go and accept the worst.

If he laid down with you and lives in your home, he should be responsible for helping around the house and definitely with the kids. If I'm talking to you, maybe you need to talk to your baby daddy. Cuz I'll be damned if I lived like this. Better get you a Work It Man!!!

Comments & Criticism are welcome:)))

Fine Chocolate

And the winner's are..... Idris Elba and Lance Gross. Both of their acting careers are taking off to new heights. I will watch "Thor" just to see Idris and I only watch " House of Pain" for Lance Gross.
I guess all you have to do is add some eye candy to the screen and I'm there. Rumor is Mr. Elba may be the next 007, ain't that some ishh? I'll be in the theatre with binoculars. And too bad Eva Pigford let Lance go, he is the finest dark skin man ever, hands down. These two are Grade A , Top Choice dark meat. So fine you want to lick their face when you see them.

She Wants How Much?

Child support has been the topic of the week. "The Game" had a scene where "Janae" told "Derwin" and "Melanie," they will have to cut down on the glam life because she will be filing for child support soon. They're verbal agreement wasn't working anymore.

It's sad and funny how a woman can go in on the father at her will. If the baby momma gets mad with or without reason, the system has her back. The women in the USA have so much power and the men hate it. Even when the police are called the man is going to jail or has to leave.

Now back to child support. If the woman doesn't file directly, the state will file if she filed for welfare. Once the father's name is written on the birth certificate the state can go after him and garnish his paycheck for 18 yrs. And if he has more than one child, he'll be working for peanuts. I know a guy who had a paycheck for a $1, no lie , I saw it myself. He quit his job the next week thinking whats the point.

I think child support is necessary if the father it's contributing to the needs of the child. But if it's out of spite, she'll reap the repercussions. God don't like ugly!

Speaking of ugly.... How is Halle Berry's baby daddy filing child support? Who does that ? I think it was all in the plan...get her pregnant, break-up, then file. This sounds like a groupies master plan! The groupie didn't plan on breaking up, she wanted to get married ..fasho! Halle caught up in a scandal once again. Her luck is terrible with love. She is blessed with looks but gets the cold shoulder with love. You know how some girls with big booty's are butt ugly? Hey, you can't have it all.

Speaking of having it all ....50 cent's baby momma got greedy and ended up with a burnt down house, Her friends got in her ear and she filed for more money and 50 was feelin it mane! Of course he denies burning the house down ( who would admit it) but the timing coincides with the court case and everything. Plus he's gutta , gutta. The sad part is he used to praise her and talk about how good of friends they were. I think she was no longer "loyal" so he retaliated with a bang ..a big one.

I will end this blog with a few celebs who are paying duckets in child support. Nas to Kelis $20k/ month- Russell Simmons to Kimora $40k/ month-Michael Strahan to Jean $20k/month- Eddie Murphy to Mel B $51k/month- Must be nice:)

Get Tested to Get Paid

So the government is considering drug testing welfare recipients. It's a bit extreme but it might be a good scare tactic. People may get their act together and start working (to support their habit) or families will live in worse poverty and be on the streets. And the latter will punish the children who are innocent in the situation.


The question of who will pay for the drug test has also come up. The welfare recipient is already broke and might have to collect money from others, which could be used to buy food or pay bills. And the hardcore smokers may not waste their time or money...that's where the scare tactic comes in handy.

If the drug testing puts more money in my pocket then I'm all for it. But if it jeopardizes whether a child eats or not, count me out!

I'd rather have the people attend skill building classes to qualify them for long term careers. The government can also decrease the length of time you can be on assistance. The current length of time is 5 yrs., per child. However, if a woman has a child every 3-4 yrs. the time rolls over like At&t minutes.

Our government has a lot of work to do. But I'd rather live with the US government than one who cuts off your nose, fingers, hands or sews up areas that were made to be open. Ouch!!!!

Can't We All Just Get Along?

This blog is directed towards black women. I've noticed the majority of us aren't friendly towards each other. If we don't know each other by association or at all, we won't crack a smile or even give eye-contact. Giving a friendly smile won't hurt. It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. I understand everyone has a bad day but everyday? Naw that's an attitude or an internal issue.

The internal issue could be a major or minor but here are a few: insecurity, jealousy/envy, or just intimidation. Almost every woman has some type of insecurity they deal with deep inside. So if the approaching woman appears to stronger in the area you lack, you may shy away from her. But instead you should open up and ask how she does it or deals with it.

The jealousy/envy issue lives on longer than Tupac. Women hate on each other for the pettiest reasons. Homegirl might have some fly heels, she may be slimmer/thicker, light-skin when you're dark skin, gotta baller man and etc. This list is longer than the DMV line. But the funny thing is someone will always have something you don't. And I hate to bust your bubble but another female is flyerthanyou.com. It's the truth, believe it or not. You need to take notes instead of cracking jokes, to make you feel better about the situation. If she's flyerthanyou.com speak to her so you can swagger-jack her! I'm just saying, be smart about it.

And last but not least intimidation. There are enough people intimidated by black folks already. Why are we intimidated by one another? Probably because speaking isn't the norm like they do in the South. Folks in the South will wave when you drive by unlike the NW, we act like you're not even there. Why is that?

This might also be an issue for men but women have it real bad. It bothers me that my sistas don't reach out as much as Caucasians do. Yes, I know they will go overboard and ask your whole life story but at least they acknowledge you. Hell, Asians can live together 11 deep but some black people don't support one another. Especially when it comes to businesses. Hating prevents us from succeeding, I don't know how many times people have to hear that. But anyway back to the subject....

We as black women need to stick together, support and encourage each other. You never know what networking can do for you or someone else. Being approachable and friendly can get you in more doors. So don't shut it before you see what's on the other side.

Tell Me, Tell Me Why

1. Why do people only notice the bad things in your life and not the good?
2. Why are some of the most religious people, the biggest hypocrites?
3. Why do some father's move out of town and leave behind their children?
4. Why do women with no man always want to give relationship advice?
5. Why do men with multiple baby mommas, keep having kids?
6. Why do women a man with multiple baby mommas the time of day?
7. Why do people fight at the club and ruin everybody else's night?
8. Why do women confront mistresses over and over?
9. Why won't men and women ever speak the same language?
10. Why am I asking these questions?
To see if you have the answers. Do You?

Tough Chocolate Candy

Chad Ochocinco & Floyd Maymeather, two athletes taking the spotlight right now. One is tough on the football field and dancing his way into hearts. While the other knocks heads in the ring and breaks hearts on reality shows. All I can say is they both clean up well.

Before and After

Michael Jai White sure hit the jackpot, didn't he? When I came across this picture, I had to post it. His look before Hollywood, had me speechless. As we can see, time and the gym will surely transform you. But check this out....he's so fly. Audience: How fly is he? His wife (an OB-GYN) proposed to him! And I see why. (another picture below)

So Whatcha, Whatcha, Whatcha Want?

Yeah I'm back and wondering "What Do Women Really Want?" And yes this was inspired by the show, "What Chilli Wants." On the show, R&B/Pop star Chilli tries to find a man with her personal matchmaker Tionna Smalls. Chilli has a long, detailed list of what she wants and doesn't want in a man. Now I understand that all women and men should have a few standards. You shouldn't settle for a "Roody Poot," when you deserve Prince Charming. But at the same time a perfect man isn't realistic. I don't believe anyone's man is exactly what they asked for. That's where the "80 -20 Rule" comes in effect. The "80-20 Rule," means you will get 80% of what you want out of your mate and will receive 20% of what you dislike or have to compromise with. But the tricky thing is, if you let go of your 80%, you may receive 20% of what you want from the next mate.
When I first heard the theory on Tyler Perry's, "Why Did I Get Married? Why Did I Get Married Too?" I thought it made so much sense. I bet everybody in a relationship has compromised a few specifics on their checklist. He may be smart and fine but not as wealthy as you want him to be. He's romantic, respectful with a beautiful smile but not very tall.The list can go on and on but I think you get the picture. Don't take this the wrong way! I'm not telling you to finally go out with your annoying co-worker with bad B.O. I'm just saying don't miss out on a good thing. You might be too busy pointing out his flaws to see his fame.

Live Your Life

Make moves while you still can. No one knows what lies ahead in life. We are all guaranteed only one thing and that is death. I say this because people restrict themselves and create invisible boundaries to keep them from doing certain things in life. But one day you may not be able to do what was offered yesterday. Some with good health and hearts still become victims of tragedy. I heard a story of a 30 year old woman who is now suffering from a brain tumor. She is college educated with a great career but this illness appeared out of nowhere. She is currently living in a medical facility with hospice. She is getting thinner by the day currently weighing 98lbs. with 6 months to live. Her intelligence hasn't vanished but her ability to keep up with her surroundings is making day to day life difficult. Another story is of an African -American woman who just turned fifty by the grace of God. Last year this Christian woman suffered from a minor stroke. Her health is strong, she doesn't drink, smoke and is one of God's faithful saints.

The point of this blog is to live your life and enjoy every minute of it. You never know when your time on Earth may become more difficult or end. I'm not trying to make anyone cry or have regrets, just make the most of what you have!

Desperate Housewives

This blog entry isn't about the TV show, but is inspired by it. The women on the show go to desperate measures to keep a happy home. They sneak, cheat and manipulate to get what they want and to prevent others from getting. Are these characteristics of women in general or women trying to keep a family? I thought of a few questions or family situations that seem common these days.

1. Are you continuously calling a man who still doesn't have your number saved?
2. Did you have his baby, just to keep him around?
3. Is he always asking for something: money, material things, sex and etc.?
4. Are you putting up with his B.S. because you think he will eventually change?
5. Are you blowing up his phone every night because he can't make it home before midnight?
6. Is your only alone time: when your intimate or about to go to bed?
7. Do you only see him at night?
8. Do you know there is another woman but don't care?
9. Is he "nice" in public but "mean" in private? or vice-verse
10. Are you involved with a man who seems gay but claims he's straight?
11. Do you always have to schedule the dates, pick him up, and pay?
12. Did you have his baby and he still doesn't give a damn about you, but you still love him?
13. Does he control your money, what you wear and where you go?
14. Has he cheated on you multiple times and you're still with him?
15. Do you have to check his text, email or call records regularly?

This list can go on and on but I have other things to do. Ladies if you answered "yes" to one or more of these questions, I'm gonna need you to re-evaluate your relationship and yourself. You deserve better and he knows it too. A relationship does include compromise, but don't do it if it hurts you and makes you seem desperate to keep that man!

Feel free to comment and add more situations to the list!!

Was the kid really his son?

Now I will admit that I read entertainment blogs, websites and will take a glimpse at the National Enquirer while standing in the grocery line, to get the gossip. And I can usually seperate the real from the fake, but not this time. Word on the street is MJ has an older son, Omer Bhatti. The source isn't the most credible but he is family. Mr. Joe "shut up and dance" Jackson, gave an unpaid interview admitting Omer Bhatti, as his grandson. Omer Bhatti (25), was sitting alongside the family at the memorial.
And after I googled him, I'm thinking he might be the real deal! Now MJ's other kids don't favor him or any other family members. We can stare at his kids while having 20/20 vision with a microscope and see no resemblance. And the Jackson's have dominant features including high cheek bones, small noses(some organic others artificial), and deep round eyes. A family resemblance should show up somewhere. If not in the features,then the skin color. This cat Omer, is the hispanic version of a before or after surgery, Jackson. Omer says he met MJ on tour when he was a child and ever since they hung out. This may be true and MJ being his father could be also. But don't take my word for it, see for yourself. This could be the story behind "Billie Jean," we'll find out soon from the DNA test. Omer is requesting to know the truth. I'm hoping it's true, because the media said he can dance and perform just like daddy! That'll be news to Kanye, since he's trying to take the "King of Pop" title. He is now certified crazy, but that's another story.

What is a Friend?

A listener when you want to talk without interruption.
A shoulder to lean on when you lose your balance.
A helping hand when your two need extra support.
A third eye when you tend to go blind and can't see the obvious.
A cheerleader when no one else is a fan of or understands anything you do.
A devil's advocate to make sure you know what lies on both sides of the fence.
A brother or sister to be there throughout your journey of life.

These are few things I try to be to my friends and hope they will do the same for me. I don't believe I'm asking for too much. If my friends don't fall into at least one of these descriptions, I may question why they're in my life. You may feel otherwise but don't forget this is my blog.

Reality Bites

I Love Money 2 is full of haters. My boy Buddha (Ezra Masters) was kicked off last night. Almost the entire cast was against him the whole season. The dudes were threatened by his masculinity and the women felt he was a manipulator. Personally I only watched this season for him. Baby is fine!!! I love to see a man being a man. He always stood up for himself even when he was on I Love New York. He knew she was a drama queen and he wasn't having all that B.S. He does have the tendency to get aggressive or violent but as long as he isn't hitting a woman (i.e. Chris Brown) he's alright with me.
In yesterday's episode they had him in some speedo-like drawls. His thighs were looking rigghhhtt. And it takes a real man to put on speedos on national TV and not trip. But back to the show. About half of the cast are lost individuals who don't trust their own minds and choose to let others run them. Everyone except about two cast members were threatened by Buddhas strength and intelligence.

I hope Buddha seeks his revenge on the reunion or on another upcoming reality show.

Hook-Up Culture

The act of "hooking up" is a young adult phase. As the students begin to mature and age they will leave this culture. Sex is supposed to be a sacred exchange of love between two people that care for each other. The students involved don't understand and will soon regret what they have done. They believe it is harmless and if two consenting adults agree but there is more to it.

It is unfortunate that these men and women give their body's do freely. The next day the guy may wake up with no regrets but the girl has to feel a little ashamed. The female basically let him have the milk without buying the cow. I personally couldn't be put in that position. I would want more for myself because I deserve better.

I understand everyone has personal needs but there is a safer way to go about it. Many of the students who "hook up" probably "hook up" with multiple partners. This helps the STD count increase around campus. Some "hook up" with complete strangers and know nothing about the other person. You should at least get to know the person by going on a few dates first. Jumping directly into bed because you were horny is a silly and possibly deadly mistake.

College students are in transition from childhood to adulthood and will fail a few tests in life. But this test can do more harm than good. The one night of pleasure can bring a long term feeling of pain. "Hooking up" is a temporary way of life and they will soon learn why.

Leave Michelle Alone!

The Inauguration was a beautiful day in history but the media had to say something negative. I dislike the attack on Michelle Obama’s wardrobe. The media is known for expressing their feelings on who’s hot and whose not, but when will it end?

Michelle Obama is showing the world that you don’t have to be high maintenance and wear expensive clothing all the time. Michelle has come from an American family with high morals and values. She probably grew up with items that she needed, not wanted. Her parents most likely instilled values to not over do it, if it wasn’t necessary. The less you spend the more you will have.

If she wore expensive clothing the media would wonder where the money came from. The media picked at Palin, McCain and is wife for wearing designer suits and paying over $150,000 for clothing. Everyone wondered why he or she paid so much and continued to flash their money around. So pretty much, the media will always have something to say regardless of the situation.

I defend First Lady Michelle Obama because she is a nice, kindhearted woman who has done no harm to anyone. The media needs to acknowledge her attitude towards fashion. Many of her outfits are from young, American designers who aren’t well known. She is displaying their designs for all of America as well as other countries to see. First Lady is also showing America you can still be classy, presentable, and affordable in this time of crisis. She is a role model now and I believe she’s off to a great start.

Painting the White House, Black

I've been gone for a minute but now I'm back with the jumpoff. Our 44th President is an African American named Barack Obama, can you believe it? When he beat Hillary Clinton I knew it was all over. I thought, "They like him, they really like him!" The white people surprised me the most though. They had their bumper stickers, lawn signs, t-shirts, buttons and hats. Everyone was supporting the African American Democratic candidate.
But McCain is the real reason for the landslide victory. McCain gave the people of the United States the final reason to vote for Obama. The laughing stock of presidential history, Sarah Palin. I assume, McCain attempted to grab the Clinton supporters by placing another woman in the race. Well that backfired more than a beat up Buick. Palin embarrassed herself time an time again with senseless comments, unanswered questions and just being who she is. I personally didn't agree with her running for VP, when she has a newborn baby. And in addition to her other four children, the newborn has down syndrome. This baby needs extra attention from everyone especially his mother. She publicized her daughters teenage pregnancy with the entire world. Palin couldv'e refused the position and waited until the next term for the sake of her family. She was inexperienced anyway. What gave her the idea that she was even fit for the position?
Just because someone offers you a job, doesn't mean you have to take it. Yes, this job was high on the totem pole but she made a fool of herself trying to take on the challenge. Taking her serious isn't an option. If she stepped in as the Commander-in-chief, I may move to Canada. I would be out of the United States but still close by.

Back to the reason for the worlds happiness, Barack Obama. I think he is an outstanding, educated, confident, accomplished, family-oriented and positive Black role model. He is the role model for all the Black men who didn't have a father to look up to. He is the evidence of you can be whatever you want to be. Many generations and races decided together that they wanted more out of their president this term. They wanted to see the country go and grow into a new direction. We joined forces and made it happen United States. And this historic event is the first step in our quest of unity, liberty and justice for all.