Don't Overlook the Obvious

Most women long for their prince charming at some point in their life. He may be right in front of you, not perfect but you love them anyway. But some men are far from perfect and you turn the other cheek at their bad habits, just to be in a relationship. Don't overlook the obvious to avoid being single.

If it doesn't feel right it isn't. Cold feet is one thing but a gut feeling is as real as it gets. For example: If you bump heads on everything that isn't a coincidence. You can't agree on anything, face it. You two see life thru different lens. Kim Kardashian is a clear example. In a letter to her fans, she admitted things weren't right but continued with the marriage. Opposites do attract but some personalities do not go well together.

If he's not relationship material here are a few signs. Every time you meet, it's at night or at his place. Unless he's a vampire this shouldn't be acceptable. He should want the world to see you, if you're important to him. And I hope you have meet at least two friends/family members or else you have a problem. Your relationship is a secret, which means he has something to hide. Another one is avoiding labels. Here's a scenario: you've went on multiple dates and have spent countless hours together.

But when "Where is this going?" comes up, he says "I want to take things slow. I'm not in any hurry to settle down. We should get to know each other more before we discuss the future." If you're patient and he has potential, wait awhile longer. But don't limit yourself to only him. Some women think they can change his mind and choose to ignore those statements. And they also end up hurt because they gave their all to man who gave a little.

If he's not as manly as you want him to be. I hope you heard the story about Terry McMillian and her ex- husband. "How Stella Got Her Groove Back," was the sweet fantasy of how she saw things. But the sour reality was a deal- breaker.

Yes, her man was on the DL. And she had to see a few signs, before he came out. It's not too hard to miss these days. The flamboyant body language, awkward speech, wandering eyes and feminine ways can not be overlooked. I can spot the smallest difference with my eyes closed. Don't get your heartbroken when you saw it coming.

If you always hear about another chick, there is one. Maybe at the beginning of the relationship you heard about a few women. They could be recent ex girlfriends or bm's. The rumor should phase out eventually. But if you keep hearing new rumors that match up to days and times you're not together, this needs further investigation. Play your cards right and get the facts, because they can't all be rumors. Haters do put in overtime but don't ignore everything, especially if you don't know his everyday whereabouts.

Wise up and don't set yourself up for failure, if you see something fishy. Time will always tell but you can save time by paying more attention to the obvious.

Work It Man

I understand some women don't choose to be a single mother. But to be a single mother, meaning doing EVERYTHING when your baby daddy lives with you, is some B.S. If he's handicap, I completely understand, disregard this entire blog. But if he is more than capable, somebody needs to be slapped. Bring out the baby powder!

Some men aren't ready to be parents but they have 9-10 months to get prepared. Many men didn't grow up with a father so they use the excuse of not knowing how to be a father. That excuse is old. Read a book or watch Cosby re-runs. You can learn through experience, copping out is not acceptable. The men above make themselves scarce and show up occasionally. The men I'm referring to lay in your bed every night, watch TV on your couch, eat your food and have a selfish daily schedule which doesn't include parenting duties.

This man works everyday ( he's not jobless) but that's all he does. You take the kids to daycare/school, cook every meal, clean-up, pay the bills, go to all the children's doctor appointments, wake- up at night when the kids can't sleep..must I go on?

My rant is because females accept this. They will say, "At least he's here." I say, " Not really." Yes, you can see him, his body is visible. But not pitching in, is like him being one of the kids. Why do some women compromise too much? We tend to let important things go and accept the worst.

If he laid down with you and lives in your home, he should be responsible for helping around the house and definitely with the kids. If I'm talking to you, maybe you need to talk to your baby daddy. Cuz I'll be damned if I lived like this. Better get you a Work It Man!!!

Comments & Criticism are welcome:)))

Fine Chocolate

And the winner's are..... Idris Elba and Lance Gross. Both of their acting careers are taking off to new heights. I will watch "Thor" just to see Idris and I only watch " House of Pain" for Lance Gross.
I guess all you have to do is add some eye candy to the screen and I'm there. Rumor is Mr. Elba may be the next 007, ain't that some ishh? I'll be in the theatre with binoculars. And too bad Eva Pigford let Lance go, he is the finest dark skin man ever, hands down. These two are Grade A , Top Choice dark meat. So fine you want to lick their face when you see them.

She Wants How Much?

Child support has been the topic of the week. "The Game" had a scene where "Janae" told "Derwin" and "Melanie," they will have to cut down on the glam life because she will be filing for child support soon. They're verbal agreement wasn't working anymore.

It's sad and funny how a woman can go in on the father at her will. If the baby momma gets mad with or without reason, the system has her back. The women in the USA have so much power and the men hate it. Even when the police are called the man is going to jail or has to leave.

Now back to child support. If the woman doesn't file directly, the state will file if she filed for welfare. Once the father's name is written on the birth certificate the state can go after him and garnish his paycheck for 18 yrs. And if he has more than one child, he'll be working for peanuts. I know a guy who had a paycheck for a $1, no lie , I saw it myself. He quit his job the next week thinking whats the point.

I think child support is necessary if the father it's contributing to the needs of the child. But if it's out of spite, she'll reap the repercussions. God don't like ugly!

Speaking of ugly.... How is Halle Berry's baby daddy filing child support? Who does that ? I think it was all in the plan...get her pregnant, break-up, then file. This sounds like a groupies master plan! The groupie didn't plan on breaking up, she wanted to get married ..fasho! Halle caught up in a scandal once again. Her luck is terrible with love. She is blessed with looks but gets the cold shoulder with love. You know how some girls with big booty's are butt ugly? Hey, you can't have it all.

Speaking of having it all ....50 cent's baby momma got greedy and ended up with a burnt down house, Her friends got in her ear and she filed for more money and 50 was feelin it mane! Of course he denies burning the house down ( who would admit it) but the timing coincides with the court case and everything. Plus he's gutta , gutta. The sad part is he used to praise her and talk about how good of friends they were. I think she was no longer "loyal" so he retaliated with a bang ..a big one.

I will end this blog with a few celebs who are paying duckets in child support. Nas to Kelis $20k/ month- Russell Simmons to Kimora $40k/ month-Michael Strahan to Jean $20k/month- Eddie Murphy to Mel B $51k/month- Must be nice:)

Get Tested to Get Paid

So the government is considering drug testing welfare recipients. It's a bit extreme but it might be a good scare tactic. People may get their act together and start working (to support their habit) or families will live in worse poverty and be on the streets. And the latter will punish the children who are innocent in the situation.


The question of who will pay for the drug test has also come up. The welfare recipient is already broke and might have to collect money from others, which could be used to buy food or pay bills. And the hardcore smokers may not waste their time or money...that's where the scare tactic comes in handy.

If the drug testing puts more money in my pocket then I'm all for it. But if it jeopardizes whether a child eats or not, count me out!

I'd rather have the people attend skill building classes to qualify them for long term careers. The government can also decrease the length of time you can be on assistance. The current length of time is 5 yrs., per child. However, if a woman has a child every 3-4 yrs. the time rolls over like At&t minutes.

Our government has a lot of work to do. But I'd rather live with the US government than one who cuts off your nose, fingers, hands or sews up areas that were made to be open. Ouch!!!!

Can't We All Just Get Along?

This blog is directed towards black women. I've noticed the majority of us aren't friendly towards each other. If we don't know each other by association or at all, we won't crack a smile or even give eye-contact. Giving a friendly smile won't hurt. It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. I understand everyone has a bad day but everyday? Naw that's an attitude or an internal issue.

The internal issue could be a major or minor but here are a few: insecurity, jealousy/envy, or just intimidation. Almost every woman has some type of insecurity they deal with deep inside. So if the approaching woman appears to stronger in the area you lack, you may shy away from her. But instead you should open up and ask how she does it or deals with it.

The jealousy/envy issue lives on longer than Tupac. Women hate on each other for the pettiest reasons. Homegirl might have some fly heels, she may be slimmer/thicker, light-skin when you're dark skin, gotta baller man and etc. This list is longer than the DMV line. But the funny thing is someone will always have something you don't. And I hate to bust your bubble but another female is flyerthanyou.com. It's the truth, believe it or not. You need to take notes instead of cracking jokes, to make you feel better about the situation. If she's flyerthanyou.com speak to her so you can swagger-jack her! I'm just saying, be smart about it.

And last but not least intimidation. There are enough people intimidated by black folks already. Why are we intimidated by one another? Probably because speaking isn't the norm like they do in the South. Folks in the South will wave when you drive by unlike the NW, we act like you're not even there. Why is that?

This might also be an issue for men but women have it real bad. It bothers me that my sistas don't reach out as much as Caucasians do. Yes, I know they will go overboard and ask your whole life story but at least they acknowledge you. Hell, Asians can live together 11 deep but some black people don't support one another. Especially when it comes to businesses. Hating prevents us from succeeding, I don't know how many times people have to hear that. But anyway back to the subject....

We as black women need to stick together, support and encourage each other. You never know what networking can do for you or someone else. Being approachable and friendly can get you in more doors. So don't shut it before you see what's on the other side.

Tell Me, Tell Me Why

1. Why do people only notice the bad things in your life and not the good?
2. Why are some of the most religious people, the biggest hypocrites?
3. Why do some father's move out of town and leave behind their children?
4. Why do women with no man always want to give relationship advice?
5. Why do men with multiple baby mommas, keep having kids?
6. Why do women a man with multiple baby mommas the time of day?
7. Why do people fight at the club and ruin everybody else's night?
8. Why do women confront mistresses over and over?
9. Why won't men and women ever speak the same language?
10. Why am I asking these questions?
To see if you have the answers. Do You?